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Much more likely, there will be no pause—your friend will immediately respond, “No! ” It’s a simple exercise, but it drives home the point that the delay needs to be considered in the context of whether it’s appropriate for the question.
A common verbal/nonverbal disconnect to watch out for occurs when a person nods affirmatively while saying, “No,” or turns his head from side to side while saying, “Yes.” As an exercise, if you were to perform that mismatch in response to a question, you’d find that you really have to force yourself through the motion.
We’re not referring to blinking here, but if a person closes her eyes while responding to a question that does not require reflection to answer, we consider that a means of hiding the eyes, and a likely deceptive indicator. If a person clears his throat or performs a significant swallow prior to answering the question, that’s a potential problem.
That, in turn, triggers the autonomic nervous system to go to work to dissipate the anxiety, draining blood from the surfaces of the face, the ears, and the extremities—which can create a sensation of cold or itchiness.
This often takes the form of biting or licking the lips, or pulling on the lips or ears.
The reason goes back to simple high school science.
Excerpted from Uploaded on Apr 28, 2011Bill has worked on gender and violence issues with youth and educators for over a decade.
In his role as Director of the Safe Teen Boy's Program, he trains the new Safe Teen Agents for Change and co-leads Educator Trainings locally, nationally and internationally.